- Don is having lots of sex with Lindsay Weir, and he didn't even have to play a solo acoustic version of "Lady" to make it happen.
- Peggy is attempting to transform into "business Don Draper," but the transformation will not be complete until she DENIES A SEXUAL ADVANCE MADE BY NEW HIRE PEGGY OLSEN.
- Megan has a bit part on a daytime soap opera, had a miscarriage, and is aware of her husband's affair with the lady downstairs. Guess who's winning two truths and a lie at the next fondue party!
- Roger is now playing the role of Rumplesterling, spinning threads of Freudian psychoanalysis into ribbons of Sterling's Gold.
- Pete is attempting to transform into "husband Don Draper," but won't find out until later that the transformation will not be complete until he CAN SPEAK A SINGLE WORD WITHOUT SOUNDING LIKE AN ANTHROPOMORPIC DARTMOUTH REJECTION LETTER.
- Joan sassed the mean lecher from Jaguar. As classic as a Harry Crane shame-mutter.
And now, onto this week's 100% guaranteed predictions. You can follow along with the link above using the helpful timestamps indicated below.
0:00-0:03: Joan sashays like Jessica Rabbit through the office, though the usual ocean of ogles has been replaced by a menagerie of men reading memos. Joan stands on top of her desk and snarls, "What, so I prostitute myself ONE TIME for ONE PROMOTION and now I'm chopped liver!?"
"Yeah, pretty much," says Unidentified Man in Glasses.
"Huh. Probably should have thought about that before I did all that hookering."
Roger chuckles to himself.
0:03-0:04: Pouring himself a glass of grown-up juice, Pete asks, "So you haven't officially told anyone?" to his own reflection in the mirror. He is practicing his interaction with President Johnson for when the "Pete Campbell Can Bed All the Ladies He Wants and Then They Have to Leave and Not Get Him in Trouble" statute finally makes it through the House of Representatives.
0:04-0:05: Harry Crane: "My wife's leaving me because she says my new hair looks like like a helmet.
Kenny Cosgrove: "Yyyyyyyyyyep."
0:06-0:08: Stan, wearing the traditional garb of the 1/8th Cherokee, walks down the hallway, as if he doesn't want to stick around to hear Ginsberg tell a story about being the first man from Mars to pull off the late-period George Harrison look.
0:08-0:10: Cosgrove, to Don, about the poor Heinz baked beans man: "You know that every gripe he has is directed at me and this company, like that gripe he has about all those, 'SCDP Has Ketchup--Now YOU Catch Up!' t-shirts I made and distributed around the office. That gripe...that gripe I understand."
Cosgrove will then tell the beansman that Heinz Vinegars are the Fender Stratocasters of fermented cooking fluids.
0:10-0:12: Megan smiles at Don as if the only way to consume oxygen in his presence is through his patriarchal approval, while he says to her, "Keep going; I'm dying to hear what I said next." Don will find himself stuck between a wife and his hard place once the cat is out of the bag about his aff--let's be honest, they're probably running back the "pretending to be talking about real life but we're actually talking about Megan's soap opera" gag, because last week it was about as much fun as we've had during the announcement of a miscarriage since Act III of the Rosemary's Baby fanfic I submitted to the Wayans Brothers.
0:12-0:14: While filing documentation on all two of SCDP's clients, Joan says to a hopelessly lingering Harry Crane, "Please don't involve yourself in this," then spends the rest of the episode reflecting on how many times she should have said that to Dr. Greg.
0:14-0:16: "What is that supposed to mean?," says Pete Campbell after someone explains the self-actualization level of Maslow's hierarchy.
0:16-0:19: Don gives a long, hard stare to Roger, who passes that stare on to Bert. Emphatically, Bert insists, "That's not going to happen."
Come on, Bert--if you want to keep Jaguar, you're going to have to get your hands dirty. It's your turn; be a team player.
0:19-0:20: Don, opting for the intravenous drip of Canadian Club whiskey instead of his usual tumbler, says, "I don't know if that solves my problem," after Roger suggests, "Maybe you should stop staring at things for several seconds and then slipping into a flashback. It makes people uncomfortable." Listen to Roger, Don. His advice is correct.
0:21-0:24: Stan enters a closet marked "PRIVATE," because it's the only place where nobody tells his secrets. Not like Peggy. She tells all of the secrets. She's not allowed in the closet marked "PRIVATE." It's for secret-keepers only.
0:25-0:26: Don stares at a closing elevator because, I don't fucking know...the fragility of human interaction? Just do your job and quit staring at things, Draper. You're losing it.
There you have it. You can watch Mad Men on Sunday, if you must, but everything you need is right up there. Take the time you would have spent watching Mad Men and learn a hobby. Just don't learn how to be a psychic. That's my thing.
0:08-0:10: Cosgrove, to Don, about the poor Heinz baked beans man: "You know that every gripe he has is directed at me and this company, like that gripe he has about all those, 'SCDP Has Ketchup--Now YOU Catch Up!' t-shirts I made and distributed around the office. That gripe...that gripe I understand."
Cosgrove will then tell the beansman that Heinz Vinegars are the Fender Stratocasters of fermented cooking fluids.
0:10-0:12: Megan smiles at Don as if the only way to consume oxygen in his presence is through his patriarchal approval, while he says to her, "Keep going; I'm dying to hear what I said next." Don will find himself stuck between a wife and his hard place once the cat is out of the bag about his aff--let's be honest, they're probably running back the "pretending to be talking about real life but we're actually talking about Megan's soap opera" gag, because last week it was about as much fun as we've had during the announcement of a miscarriage since Act III of the Rosemary's Baby fanfic I submitted to the Wayans Brothers.
0:12-0:14: While filing documentation on all two of SCDP's clients, Joan says to a hopelessly lingering Harry Crane, "Please don't involve yourself in this," then spends the rest of the episode reflecting on how many times she should have said that to Dr. Greg.
0:14-0:16: "What is that supposed to mean?," says Pete Campbell after someone explains the self-actualization level of Maslow's hierarchy.
0:16-0:19: Don gives a long, hard stare to Roger, who passes that stare on to Bert. Emphatically, Bert insists, "That's not going to happen."
Come on, Bert--if you want to keep Jaguar, you're going to have to get your hands dirty. It's your turn; be a team player.
0:19-0:20: Don, opting for the intravenous drip of Canadian Club whiskey instead of his usual tumbler, says, "I don't know if that solves my problem," after Roger suggests, "Maybe you should stop staring at things for several seconds and then slipping into a flashback. It makes people uncomfortable." Listen to Roger, Don. His advice is correct.
0:21-0:24: Stan enters a closet marked "PRIVATE," because it's the only place where nobody tells his secrets. Not like Peggy. She tells all of the secrets. She's not allowed in the closet marked "PRIVATE." It's for secret-keepers only.
0:25-0:26: Don stares at a closing elevator because, I don't fucking know...the fragility of human interaction? Just do your job and quit staring at things, Draper. You're losing it.
There you have it. You can watch Mad Men on Sunday, if you must, but everything you need is right up there. Take the time you would have spent watching Mad Men and learn a hobby. Just don't learn how to be a psychic. That's my thing.
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