Welcome back to the future, everybody. I know that I had guaranteed 100% accuracy in my predictions for "At the Codfish Ball," but my teaser tea leaves failed me. Instead, we got an episode all about parents behaving badly, with the introduction of Megan's parents, Martha and George, Don allowing Sally to go on a date with an LSD-tripping Silver Fox, and Matthew Weiner having his real-life kid act out all of his real-life Portnoy-esque childhood neuroses as Glenn "Creepy Glenn" Bishop. I'm going to take a mulligan on last week and assume that this week's "Next On" will return to being a clear guide to the future of the rascals at SCDP. Onward!
00:05 - Megan thanks Don for having such luscious chest meat to sleep on and curls into him in an act of loving trust. Don expects her forehead to smell like lilacs. Confirmed: it's lilacs. Don likes lilacs. But what about Dick Whitman? Better drive to California for a quick smoke break to think about it.
00:08 - While at dinner with the CFO for Mohawk Airlines, Pete forgets whether or not he's the king. He sneaks off to call his mentor on such matters: a prostitute in a leopard bikini. She assures him that, yes, he's the king. As he hangs up the phone, his pen leaks all over his nice new shirt. This is all Roger's fault.
00:10 - Roger has acquired a box of kittens. Choose wisely, Cosgrove.
00:12 - Don asks Megan to check her wedding vows to him that he made up because he is a man who makes things to see if there's anything in there about her being required to parade around in his office wearing a silk teddy at 2:30 every day. There isn't. He forgot that part. Shit.
00:14 - Trudy tells Pete that she loves him. Not even he can believe that anyone could ever have the capacity of loving someone as awful as himself.
00:15 - In a panic after punching Rizzo in the face, Joan throws herself at Don and kisses him in her office. Ever the classy lady, Don gets up and silently closes the door to spare her feelings.
00:17 - Ginsberg reveals to Peggy that, in addition to being born in a concentration camp, his adopted mother was abducted and turned into a human suit by Ed Gein. It doesn't seem like she's even listening.
00:19 - Lost in his own piercing eyes while looking into a mirror, Don realizes that he may be the last remaining human on Earth. Unable to turn his head, lest he be forced to break his gaze with himself, he has only himself to ask where his wife is. "Don, where's Megan?!" he asks. "Sneaking out the door because she's terrified of you sometimes," answers Dawn, his secretary. "Oh, Don and Dawn jokes will never run out of steam," says a chuckling Roger Sterling, who enters, takes his pants off and pours himself another glass of Don's scotch.
00:21 - Pete says the only true thing he has ever said in his life.
00:22 - The phone rings in Peggy's office. It's probably Abe, calling to ask for some money or to see if she can pick up some gefilte fish on the way home from work. Her mother was so, so right.
There you have it, folks! No need to watch next Sunday, because you heard it here first.
NON-"NEXT ON"-PREDICTION: Harry Crane will want something, anything, to go his way. It won't.
Don wants to spit in Harry Crane's face every time he has to look at him. I'm seriously expecting them to just turn that name dropping weasel into a pinata at some point this season.
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